This will be my first post on this blog. So if you haven't been here before, then hello! My name is Lauren. I'll briefly explain a quick back story for you.
My husband and I got married March 5th of this year. Engaged a month before, we planned to have our wedding July 18th, 2015. We wanted a small ceremony with just family and close friends. Shortly after becoming engaged, we discovered that we were pregnant. I found out on February 28th; on my way home from work when I realized that I had not gotten my period that month. We were so busy with planning the wedding and I was slammed at work that I honestly had not even taken note that my period was late. I brushed it off and figured it was because of the stress. On my way home from work I was remembering my dream from the night before. It was one of those freakishly weird ones you don't really remember until something bizzare sets off a spark in your memory and you're like "Oh! That was my dream!" I don't remember it anymore, but it was some apocolyptic type dream (I had been having a lot of those recently) and then it dawned on me. Crazy dreams, missed period (have I really not gotten my period?) feeling all sorts out of wack....could I be pregnant?! I decided to stop at the store on my way home to get a pregnancy test. I felt extremly uneasy. I had never purchased one of these before. I was very much the "plan everything" type. I was on birth control for crying out loud. At the store, there was a couple standing by the pregnancy tests which also happened to be conviently placed next to the condoms. Giddy, laughing at their own inside jokes, I assume planning for a fun night in of "netflix and chill" they were in my way. My mind was cloudy and all I could think was "This is not happening right now, this can't be happening" I picked up a first response test. Rushing home, I took it as soon as I got to the bathroom. I barley had to pee, and I knew that the tests were most effective when taken with first morning urine, although it was 11pm at night, I took it anyway. I remember the line showed up before it was even 3 minutes (the time it took for the test to develop). I was staring at a positve pregnancy test. This could not be happening!!!! I was getting married in 5 months!!! The next few weeks were a blur. I had told my fiance and family, only a few friends. I had also started to experience some dull cramps and spotting. My husband and I called off the wedding and decided to elope (since I would be about 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding). Although it was a spur of the moment decison, we are still very happy we did so. We saved a ton of money and time by eloping, regardless of the outcome of our situation.
I had planned my doctors visit for sometime early March, only to miscarry naturally the day after. My due date for this baby was October 28th. At my visit, they knew I had been spotting and cramping so they ordered an ultrasound done that same day. They told me to expect to miscarry, as the babies heartbeat was very low and the gestational sac was measuring 3 weeks behind (I was supposed to be 8 weeks 3 days, but was only measuring 5 weeks 5 days). It happened the next day. It was extremely painful, emotinally and physically. I couldn't beieve what was happening. Weeks before I was planning my wedding, now I was losing a baby I didn't even realize how much I wanted. The doctors determined that everything passed on its own naturally and that my body would be returning back to its own in no time. Which it did, but it didn't feel like it. The day I miscarried was March 17th, St. Patricks day. Everyone I knew was out partying and having fun, while I was at home, depressed, with a bottle of wine. The next month or so were spent with my now husband. We had moved into the home we now own. We adopted a dog, Riley. Who at times is a complete pain in the ass but has really helped me heal whether I'd like to admit it or not. We were enjoying the time alone, being newly weds. While still grieving, we were getting to know eachother on a different level. It took some adjusting, but things for the most part were going extremely well. We were a happy, tiny family.
The end of May my sister in law had just given birth to her beautiful daughter. We went to the hospital to visit them and I remember being so scared. I knew it would be emotionally rough for me, as I was supposed to be pregnant at that time. It was surprisingly easy to see my new niece. She was adorable and I was happy for my sister in law. But it was hard to stay long, so we left shortly after. That night my husband and I talked about how happy we were for them, and how we were not ready for a baby just yet.
Little did I know I was already pregnant again.
The weeks before our nieces birth we started to be extremely cautious about using protection. We always were for the most part, but now we were really trying to crack down on it. We wanted to wait until we really felt ready to try again. However, we are only human and one day we were not so cautious, and that one day is all it took. On June 17th I had a mental breakdown before work, completely out of the blue. I was crying because my husband had forgotten to take out the trash. The freakin trash!!!!! That's what lead me to take a pregnancy test. My period was due that same day but had not arrived yet, but I just had a feeling. I bought a super cheap dollar store brand test and right away it was positive.
I was pregnant, AGIAN!
This time I was a lot more excited. We were married, had our own house, great jobs, things seemed to be picking up. I found out right before Fathers Day so I told my husband in a cute way; I wrapped up the pregnancy tests in a cute bag, with a card that said Fatherhood on it. He was so excited! I set up a doctors visit and starting eating better/taking my prenatals. The entire first half of my pregnancy was honestly perfect and pretty uneventful. Around 9 weeks I had some spotting which my doctors ruled out due to a sensitive cervix. I had also taken the Verify test at 12 weeks which was a blood test that checked for genetic abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. It also determined the gender, which we got the results back around 13 weeks. The results had determined that we were having a low risk baby girl. We were over the moon! We named her Leighton at first, but shortly after changed her name to Blair. I was so excited to be having a little girl as it was all I was dreaming I'd have (there go those weird pregnancy dreams again!). Our due date with Blair was February 29th, 2016 whic also happened to be a leap year. We had our anatomy scan at 19 weeks 0 days, which revealed Blair had shorter long bones. Because of this, we were referred to a high risk specialist at the hospital. 10 days later we were seen, another ultrasound done, determining that she had a lot more things wrong with her than just 'Short long bones'. They said she was measuring 2 weeks smaller (18 weeks and some days) than I was, she had a 2 vessel cord instead of the usual 3 vessel cord, and something appeared to be wrong with her heart and hands. They did an amniocentisis that same day to determine what exactly was causing these things. Without the amnio there was no chance of knowing what she had, but they said based on the findings that day, she already had a 50% chance of having severe birth defects and even higher of a chance of being still born. That following monday, the results of the amnio came back stating that she had an extremely rare chromosomal disorder called Triploidy, happening in only 1 to 2 percent of all known pregnanices. Most pregnancies with Triploidy miscarry before 12 weeks. This is a really great link expalining Triploidy if you're interested in looking up on it.
http://miscarriage.about.com/od/congenitaldisorders/p/triploidy.htm
What our daughter had was fatal, and my health was now at risk. We spoke with our doctors and decided that we would induce labor within the upcoming weeks. On Monday, October 26th, I went into the hosptial to be induced. I was in labor for 35.5 hours, with no epidural. The pain was unreal. I truly felt that it would never end and that I was going to die. I know it sounds dramatic, but it was honestly the worst pain I had ever been in, in my entire life. Labor pains feel a lot like your worst ever period cramp, on crack, times 10. The contractions were brutal, and I was throwing up non stop from how intense the pain was. I couldn't keep anything down, including water, and began to get dehydrated despite the IV that had in me. Blair was born on Wednesday, October 28th, at 8:29am, she passed away in utero before she was born. Weighing a tiny 9 ounces (for her size she should have been a little over a pound) and she was 9 inches long. She was born in her amniotic sac, so my water never broke. That was actually a good thing for me, as I did not have to have a D&C to remove the placenta like they originally suspected. We spent hours holding our sweet Blair and taking pictures with her. They even gave me the blankets, gown, and hat that she wore. Along with her hospital bracelet. I have all of that in a box, and I plan to make a shadow box with her things in it. I was discharged from the hospital that night, and we were able to come home.
Since then I have gone back to work. It really has helped me heal. I am still healing, and so is my husband. We are not ready to try again at the moment, I suspect we will wait at least 6 months, but then again we're not sure. I do know we want to try again next year, because this situation has really shown us just how excited and ready we are to be parents. Of course we have people telling us what we should and should not do, but only we know what is best for us.
This year has been an absolute whirlwind and I am ready for it to be over. I have learned so much about myself, my body, my marraige and so much more in just a short 12 months. I am excited to see what the new year will bring, and even more excited to hopefully grow our family someday soon.
I started this blog to document my journey to motherhood. I plan on writing about our journey TTC, and documenting the experience when it finally does happen for us! I am just a regular woman with a passion for makeup and beauty, as well as babies and family! So if you can relate, then I invite you to follow our journey and everything in between. GlamMoms is a place where we can all talk about all things beauty as well as all things pertaining to children and family. I would love to hear your stories, support or any other feedback you all may have. I hope to post again soon, and eventually regularly.
xooxox
Lauren